Happy Halloween!

Worth it

Almost all of my friends are still single. They're all in college or law school or med school. They tell me that they don't want children, at least not for another 10 years or so, if ever. One friend (the one in med school, who has actually delivered babies before) told me that she would just live vicariously through me and Jackson because she would not put herself through the pain of childbirth. They tell me that they can't imagine how hard it is to have a child, they don't know how I do it.

And it is hard. The pain of childbirth that lasted for weeks afterward. The sleepless nights. The crying spells that make me want to rip my own head off. The worrying. Worrying if we have enough money. Worrying if I'll be a good mom. Worrying if we'll be able to make a good life for him. Even laying in bed at night while he is asleep and worrying if he is still breathing. It's all very hard on me.

But when I look into his beautiful eyes, when I feel his soft skin against mine and his little body wrapped up in my arms, when I feel his little head nestled in the curve of my neck, and when I hear his little voice cooing at me or giggling, I can only think of two words.

Worth it.

My Chunky Monkey

It's almost Halloween, so I thought I would go ahead and put up pics of Jackson in his monkey costume :)

Esme

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

I finished the Twilight series on Saturday night. I really loved them. Really, really loved them. I guess that's all I will say because I don't like to post any kind of spoilers anywhere where people might accidentally see them because I HATE spoilers.

I think I get a high from reading. (I KNOW. Biggest.nerd.ever.) It's been so long since I really read anything that caught my attention like that. But when I went to the bookstore the other day I started seeing all of these books that I wanted to read. I need to go get a library card because I hate spending so much money on books when I read them so quickly.

I wish they had a library version of Netflix.

Want to know what else is on my reading list?

The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks (I am a HUGE Nicholas Sparks fan. I've read everything he's ever written at least once.)

A Lion Among Men by Gregory Maguire (I've read Wicked, Son of a Witch, and Mirror, Mirror. They were all fantastic. He has several others that I need to read too).

Eragon by Christopher Paolini(I saw the movie. It was a little, well, underfunded, but I liked it and I heard the book is much, much better.)

and these Charlaine Harris books


Do you have any others to suggest??

Immortality

Me: "If I were a vampire and you were in love with me, would you want me to make you a vampire too so that we could be immortal?"

Jason: "I guess that gives a whole new meaning to 'til death do us part'"

Twilight

I didn't write yesterday because I was so enthralled in Twilight and New Moon.

They are AMAZING and I can't believe I waited this long to read them.

I've got to go to Walmart today to get the next two!

Time passes, even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
~Bella, New Moon

WW: Pirate baby

A thought

“If an American is to amount to anything he must rely upon himself, and not upon the State; he must take pride in his own work, instead of sitting idle to envy the luck of others. He must face life with resolute courage, win victory if he can, and accept defeat if he must, without seeking to place on his fellow man a responsibility which is not theirs.”
- Theodore Roosevelt

I just thought this was an interesting quote. On another note, apparently someone searched Google for "Why Southern women should never talk about politics" and got my blog.

Bastards.

Looking for a Laugh?

Check out www.wtfcostumes.com

They have pictures of cute, funny, and just plain weird Halloween costumes.

Two of my favorite:

You know you're a mom when...

...you have to clean out your cabinet of wine glasses, martini glasses and shakers, and "Drinks well with others" cocktail napkins to make room for baby food and bibs.

Secret Santa

Do you want to play Secret Santa with your blogging friends? Click on the button below to sign up. I've already got a few ideas in mind for what sort of present I will be sending out...

Check it out here.

Feel free to mention that I sent you over :)

All is Quiet....For Now

Can I just start out by saying a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has been reacting so positively to my sleep training posts. All of the encouragement that you guys are giving me is helping me to feel like I'm doing the right thing. And last night, when he cried for AN HOUR AND 45 MINUTES, I seriously sat here and read your encouraging words over and over because I couldn't get any of my friends on the phone to tell me to calm down. Once he fell asleep though, he slept until 5 this morning, woke up, ate, then went right back to sleep and slept until 8:30, and let me tell you, that was NICE.

It's 7:30 and all is quiet for now. After a major diaper blowout, I bathed him and put him to sleep and then had a lot of cleaning to do. I don't understand how poop can get so many places so quickly! But I'm sure he will wake up crying in a little while. For the last few nights he has been going straight to sleep, only to wake up 30 minutes later and scream for an hour or so.

It's the same way with his naps. I still don't really know what I'm doing on that front. Because once he sleeps for 20 or 30 minutes and then wakes up, I don't really know what to do. I don't know if I should just let him cry (after checking on him of course!) or if I should get him out. If I let him cry I just keep thinking that maybe he is not tired anymore and I should take him out. But usually if I leave him in he goes back to sleep after about 20 minutes, so I guess I should stick to that.

I've been feeding him some solids. He hates the oatmeal, but he looooves the bananas. I think this weekend I am going to try to make him a few batches of homemade baby food. It sounds easy enough, so we'll see how that works out.

I swear there was something else I was going to say, but now I can't remember. I'm going to try to go get some sleep!

What did she say?

I have this habit of calling my son Little Dude.

Last week when we were in D.C., my sister and I were in the crowded public bathroom of some museum. We were in the corner changing Jackson's diaper when I said,

"Just hold still and let me change your diaper Little Douche."

I looked up and Jamie was just staring at me.

"Did you just call your baby a douche?" Then we both just busted out laughing.

Yep. I am an awesome parent.

Nap time

This nap thing is hard to deal with.

Last night was easy compared to the napping because last night I knew he was tired and I knew that even if he cried for awhile that he would have plenty of time to sleep.

But the naps are hard because I keep second guessing myself. I keep thinking...What if he is crying because he wasn't actually tired and I'm somehow fucking him up psychologically?

I hate to hear him cry.

But I'm doing it. I guess it isn't really that bad considering it's only the first day. The book said getting him on a schedule and getting his naps down can take up to a month. I really hope it doesn't take that long because during the day I just really have the urge to go pick him up.

Plus, even when he falls asleep, he is only sleeping for 20-30 minutes at a time (not a huge surprise) instead of the recommended 1-2 hours. And I know everything doesn't have to be exactly like the book, but if he is going to spend all day every day sleeping and being awake in 30 minute intervals then trying to get him on a schedule is completely pointless.

It will get better. It will get better. It will get better.

That is my new mantra.

Why didn't I do this sooner?

So last night actually went pretty well. At the point that I wrote last night's blog, Jackson had cried 30 mins, slept 30, and cried for 45. Basically, by about 9 o clock, Jackson was asleep and barely cried the rest of the night. He would wake up, cry out once or twice, and then go right back to sleep! He woke up at 2 am crying so I fed him and put him back down in his crib and he cried for less than two minutes before he was asleep again! Then at 5:30 this morning he did the same thing, but with no crying whatsoever.

I am so happy right now. I know that all of his sleep problems haven't been fixed in one night, but I know that we are on the right track.

I was really nervous to just let him cry. My mind was definitely replaying snippets of things I had heard about crying it out, things like, "If you let your child cry then you are just teaching him that you don't care about him." But I know I'm doing the right thing. Jackson is old enough to learn how to self-soothe and is healthy enough to be able to sleep through the night without waking up even for feedings. So while I'll keep his feedings as long as he wants (b/c seriously, waking up twice for less than ten minutes each was a HUGE improvement over these last few weeks), I know that we will all be sleeping better.

Now I just have to tackle naptime. It probably won't be easy to get him on a daytime schedule. Like I said, he has been just sleeping and eating whenever he wants. The problem is that when he naps, it is usually in the living room in his swing or bouncer, which means that once I get him to sleep I don't want to do any housework because I'm too scared I'll wake him up. If I get him to nap in his crib, I can just shut the door and not worry about it. The other problem is that I never knew if he would sleep for 20 minutes or 2 hours, so I wouldn't try to take a nap because I knew that if I fell asleep just to be woken up 10 minutes later, I would be pissed off for the rest of the day. So when he would nap I would usually read blogs. :)

But now if I can get him on a schedule, I can do all of the things that I have been meaning to do. For the first few days I am going to try to follow the schedule recommended for 4-6 month olds, and if I have to I will modify it a little bit after that. But basically I'll be putting him down for 3 naps each day. If it all works out as planned I will be using one of those naptimes to workout and take a shower (I've completely quit exercising since he keeps waking up and crying every time I'm about 10 minutes into a workout which isn't very motivating), one for housework, and one for blogging/reading/napping.

Plus, with this schedule, I might actually get to spend some time with my husband! Not tonight, because he has another 24 hour duty day today, but eventually. Lately I haven't really had a chance to spend any time with him because when he comes home, I hand him the baby and either go try to get some sleep or try to catch up on the housework that I should have been doing while Jackson was napping. The last time that I really spent any time with Jason, we were sitting around watching a movie and the whole time I was just so irritated because I kept feeling guilty about not cleaning the house and feeling like sleep could have been a better use of my time. Hopefully this way, I won't have to worry about those things. I can get stuff done and still be available for cuddles at night. Goodness knows I need those cuddles after a long day of listening to the little dude scream.

If sleep is for the weak, my kid is super strong

For the last 4 months I have been doing everything for Jackson on demand. At first it just worked for us. We used Happiest Baby on the Block and he was sleeping through the night at least a few nights a week for the most part. He slept either in his bouncer or swing, swaddled. He napped a ton during the day. We put him to bed when he was tired and fed him when he seemed hungry.

Then he started busting out of his swaddling blanket in record time. He now hates his swing, and has almost outgrown his bouncer. Every night this week it has taken over an hour of rocking/bouncing him to get him to sleep. Every time he wakes up it takes me at least a half hour to get him back down during the night. He is trying his hardest to fight sleep during the day.

And now, I'm just tired. He is going through a growth spurt or something, and he hasn't slept for more than an hour at a time for a week and a half. Which means, of course, that I haven't slept for more than an hour at a time for a week and a half (except on the night of my birthday when Jason stayed up with him all night and I got 8 full hours--it was heaven!).

Last night I lost it. I just knew I had to do something. I have to put him on a schedule. I cannot handle it this way anymore.

So starting tonight I am trying to sleep train him using the sleep sense method. Basically, establish a bedtime routine and then try to teach him to self-soothe and put himself to sleep by letting him just lay there and cry, with no soothers that he is used to. No rocking him to sleep. No putting him in his bouncer. Then from bedtime, fix his naps, and put him on a schedule.

I know this isn't a magic fix. That it will take time to train him, and that he will go through growth spurts and teething and all sorts of changes. But it needs to get better.

I'm nervous about it. I hate the idea of letting him cry. I bathed him, sang to him, read to him, and then put him down in his crib. (He has only slept in his crib about once or twice before!) Then I sat out on my front doorstep and talked on the phone for awhile because that is the only place I could go where I couldn't hear him cry. I know that sounds HORRIBLE but I knew that if I stayed in there that I would just pick him up and it would have made all of that crying pointless and he still wouldn't be putting himself to sleep.

I went to check on him every 5 minutes. He cried for 30 minutes. He slept for 30 minutes. Then he cried for another 45 and now he is asleep again.

This is hard. This is so hard on me. I'm just trying to remind myself that this is for the best. That if I can train him to put himself to sleep, that I might actually be able to sleep again one day too. That if I can get him on a schedule, then I might actually be able to leave the house when I know he will be awake without fear of him having a screaming fit in the middle of a store.

God I hope this works.

WW: The Zoo

First Solids

On Blue's Clues

Jason: I used to love Blue's Clues, but I hate this new guy. He sucks. Steve was cool.

Me: I heard Steve quit to join a rock band and got addicted to drugs.

Jason: SEE! I told you Steve was cool!

It's My Birthday!

It's my birthday! We celebrated by gorging ourselves at The Cheesecake Factory this morning. It was amazing...I seriously dreamed about their fried macaroni and cheese last night! I got their pumpkin spice cheesecake and it was amazing as all of their cheesecake is.

My aunt asked me if I feel older and I told her that I have felt old for the last 4 months. I seriously think I aged 10 years when I gave birth to my son, and the lack of sleep isn't helping.

I've gotten so old that most of my presents are almost always money, but I did get a few things. Jason got me One Tree Hill season 5 and Juno. Jamie got me the first two books in the Twilight saga, which I have been talking about reading forever and just haven't gotten around to it yet. Jason's mom got me some really pretty earrings and a necklace. Other than that, just money. And no I'm not complaining about that!

D.C.

Jamie, Jackson, and I went to D.C. on Wednesday. We walked A LOT. Jackson wore his "Future President" outfit. Unfortunately he peed all over it before we got to the White House. Oh well, haha. I might post more about this later but Jamie is still here and I'm trying to at least be a little bit entertaining for her!

I'm Busy...this will have to do

Mommy MeMe

Stolen from Amanda

First: Post a picture of you and your kids:

Second: Answer the questions.

1. How many children do you have?one

2. What are their ages? almost 4 months

3. What time of day do you start your day? it just depends. usually way too early. 3:45 am yesterday morning!

4. What do you eat for breakfast? Me: cereal J: formula

5. Do they watch TV? I usually put Noggin on when he's awake, he sort of watches sometimes.

6. What are their favorite activities? crying. ok, I'm kidding...he likes his new exersaucer

7. Do you get a break during the day from them? no.

8. How do you end your day? Give him a bath and try to get him to sleep as early as possible.

9. What is your best parenting advice or tip? Don't listen to anyone else's advice, do your own thing.

WW: So Cute It's Scary

I'll join the Navy

Every 4 days Jason has to work a 24 hour shift.

At first I felt bad for him, working 24 hours in a row and all. But as it turns out, a 24 hour shift doesn't mean that he actually works for 24 hours like he led me to believe. It means he works a regular shift but then gets to sleep for 8 hours in his rack.

He tells me that it still sucks because he can't sleep very well on the boat.

A. He needs to get over that as he will be on the boat for three months at a time soon and I'm pretty sure he's going to need sleep.

B. 8 hours of sleep without the slightest chance of being woken up by a screaming baby? I WANT HIS JOB.

Aunt Jamie is on her way!

My sister gets here today and is staying for a week! I'm so excited. It's her fall break from Troy and we are going to do some pretty fun stuff (if this cold doesn't get the better of me!I'm popping Vitamin C tablets like they are happy pills).

Hopefully while she's here we are going to go to Washington D.C., a Fall Harvest Festival, The Chrysler Museum, the zoo, and most importantly (imo) The Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my birthday (it's next Saturday!).

I've been telling Jackson all week that his Aunt Jamie is coming to visit him and I think he was really excited about it because he woke me up at 3 o'clock this morning ready to play. I just now got him to go back to sleep for awhile. Hopefully I'll be able to catch a quick nap before she gets here!

Houdini

I used to swaddle Jackson and he would go right to sleep. It was so adorable....



Now he has figured how to get out of the swaddler in about 2 seconds. It looks something like this....




Yes, I realize this is a pitiful excuse for a post. I'm incredibly sleep-deprived, ok?

WW: Baby's first flight